Blogs posts are scary.
Or rather, writing them is. Because however well you write them; however funny, smart, interesting, or informative they may be; they're never a nice neat end in/of themselves. You always have to write more. A follow up post. And then another. And another. And suddenly the prospect of writing a single, brief piece seems utterly insurmountable.
It's not that I fear running out of material. Most days something will cross my brain that makes me think "Ah, now that would make an interesting blog article" and sometimes I spend the rest of the afternoon composing the post in my head. Only never to post it. So clearly there's something else at stake.
It could be the depression. I can see how having a complete lack of motivation or desire to engage with anything or anyone might get in the road of entering into that intimate & painful exercise known as 'writing'. But then I'm not always depressed; so if it were merely Winston's black dog one would expect to find at least a smattering of posts leaking through on my good days... Only one doesn't find them. So clearly not the depression.
Maybe I'm just not comfortable with exposing my inner processes to the rest of the world and any attempt to write buckles under the stress of constructing textual facades that are acceptable to the world (and hence won't attract unwanted ire) while also being close enough to what's actually going on below the surface that I can avoid feeling duplicitous. But then I never really did care what other people thought about how I do things; not the things that really matter anyway. I might fret and worry over whether people think I'm a messy housekeeper (I am), but politics? Faith? Education? Ethics? Dark brown yeasty spreads? I have strong, articulate views (Vegemite, for example, is amazing) and I'm pretty much ready at any time to tell you why I'm right (or at least, not completely wrong). The only real concern I might have is whether people understand my position as well as they think they do. >_> So clearly, once again, the problem must lie elsewhere.
In the end I suspect it's not any one thing that makes continued posting difficult but instead the interplay between a number of factors that leads to post paralysis and a distinct lack of active blog. Oh, that and procrastination.
Me and procrastination is enough of a topic that it probably deserves a post (or several) of its own some time (particularly some thoughts I've had recently about a possible causal link between work/study habits in adults and playstyles in children) but, you know, another topic for another day. Anyway, reading about procrastination in two excellent blog posts by Tim Urban on the Wait But Why blog has lead to both a conviction that chronic procrastination is a problem for me and the (crackpot) idea that by committing to posting a new thingy every Friday (which is what I'm actually doing, in case you were wondering) I can start to train myself to actively not procrastinate (it makes decent sense in theory but the execution still feels, even as I type this, like I've just volunteered to have a wisdom tooth pulled every week for the foreseeable future (and shhh, I know I only have four, just stop over-analysing it and go with the metaphor/simile/thingy-thing)).
So, um, yes. I think that's enough of a post for this week. Ha. I'm done now. So how do I turn this thing off again?..